Stop Pretending to be a “Good” Educator | Just Be Yourself
How can we create deep relationships in our one-to-one sessions with students that feel authentic and true to ourselves—especially in a virtual environment? In the video above, I dive into how to share the best of yourself with your students in a way that unlocks the best in them.
As an academic coach who has worked with hundreds of educators transitioning into coaching or into working one-on-one with students, I’ve witnessed the unlocking of personalities through the Anti-Boring Toolkit. One of the pleasures of my work is watching people grow over time, and in the video at the top of this post, I share three specific skills that we work on inside the Anti-Boring Learning Lab.
These three skills all start with the letter “B”:
Beliefs
Body
Belonging
In the video above, we start by unpacking the qualities you believe you are “supposed to” bring to your work as an educator and identify whether those beliefs actually align with your authentic self. We then transition to Body, exploring how we can use our full selves to honor ourselves and our beliefs—especially in a virtual environment. Finally, we focus on Belonging, and how to validate students’ voices in our work together.
So, if you’re ready to unlock the best in yourself and your students, grab a notepad and pen and watch the video above—or keep reading for the full transcript.
How do you take the best of yourself and deliver it to students in a way that unlocks the best of themselves—and do all of that as a virtual academic coach, largely working on Zoom? That’s what we’re going to talk about here. Let’s dig in.
Here’s the deal. I work with hundreds of educators who are transitioning into an academic coaching practice, or who work within school environments and support students one-to-one or in very small groups. Often, this includes educators building a private practice, or expanding into executive function coaching for neurodiverse learners. One of the pleasures of my work is watching folks grow over time.
Inside the Anti-Boring Learning Lab, educators commit to learning and practicing a shared set of tools over time. We don’t just collect strategies—we practice them together, reflect on them, and notice how they land with real students. One of the most beautiful things I get to witness is the unlocking of people’s personalities.
Many educators start coaching very much in their heads, trying to get everything “right.” Perfectionism shows up a lot. Maybe it’s an educator thing in general—I’m not sure—but it’s common. And as we begin to unlearn some of that perfectionism, people start relaxing into themselves more.
As I was thinking about this topic, I realized there are actually three very specific things I see educators practicing over time in the Lab. Even if you’re not part of that community, I want to gift these three ideas to you here.
You can start practicing them right away.
Beliefs
We begin by unpacking the beliefs you bring into this work as an academic coach:
What do you believe you’re supposed to be like with students?
How do you think you’re supposed to act?
What have you inherited from your own academic experiences about how educator–student relationships “should” work?
And which of those beliefs are actually ones you want to keep?
Often, these beliefs show up indirectly—through the questions educators ask. For example, I hear questions like:
“How do you get a student to be more motivated?”
“How do you get a student to study more effectively?”
“How do you get a student to follow through?”
At first glance, these seem like totally reasonable questions. But when you listen closely to the power dynamics embedded in that language, you may notice force. Control. An assumption that our job is to get students to do what we think is best for them.
When we notice beliefs like this running quietly in the background, we can pause and say, “Oh—there’s a belief here I might want to examine more closely.”
And often, once those beliefs are visible, educators realize something important: their actual values don’t quite match the beliefs they inherited from teaching, parenting, or other helping roles. That realization can be surprisingly freeing.
Uncovering your beliefs is the first “B.” It’s a powerful step toward unlocking your authentic self—and, in turn, creating space for students to show up more authentically as well.
Body
What is your body doing during coaching sessions?
This matters a lot in virtual academic coaching—but it also matters in person. Our bodies often communicate beliefs we don’t even realize we’re holding.
If you’ve watched the video above, you’ll notice that I move a lot. That’s intentional. I don’t want to be a still, talking head sharing only from the neck up. That would limit my expressiveness—and subtly communicate to students that parts of them aren’t welcome either.
Now, I’m not saying everyone needs my level of energy. I know I’m an outlier. But especially online, I encourage you to sit in a way that allows for movement. Lean closer to the camera. Lean back. Shift side to side. Let yourself occupy space.
Those small movements signal: I’m a whole person in a real body. And that helps students feel safer being themselves on screen too.
This applies just as much in offices and classrooms. Movement, surprise, and physical presence matter. Recently, during a school presentation, I realized we’d been very “heady” for a while. I wanted to model the role the body plays in learning—so I surprised everyone by doing a heel-click jump (yes, very Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins). It shocked people, made them laugh, and shifted the energy in the room instantly.
You don’t need to do anything that dramatic. The point is this: when you find ways to be fully yourself in your body, students feel permission to do the same.
Belonging
To what extent do you include students in decisions about them?
This sounds obvious. And yet—it’s one of the easiest things to forget.
I notice that when educators are new to academic coaching, they often overlook a simple truth: the student is a phenomenal source of information about the student. I’ll ask, “Did you ask them what they prefer?” and the response is often, “Oh… no. I forgot.”
That moment usually reveals an underlying belief—that adults make better decisions for students than students can make for themselves. Or that teachers know better than learners. Even with adult students, this belief can sneak in.
When that belief is operating quietly, students get left out of important decisions about their learning, their habits, and even their well-being.
So here’s the gentle practice: let the student belong.
Before making decisions that affect them, ask for their perspective. Check how ideas land. If you’re tempted to go straight to a parent or another adult, pause and make sure you’ve also heard the student’s voice.
Belonging isn’t a buzzword. It’s a daily, practical choice.
Quick pop quiz before we wrap up (I’m quizzing myself too—hello, retrieval practice):
What are the three B’s?
Beliefs. Body. Belonging.
Work on those three things, and I truly believe you’ll feel more like yourself during academic coaching sessions. And when you do, students tend to bring their real selves forward as well—because you’re modeling exactly what that looks like.
If you’d like to explore more student-tested tools, frameworks, and reflections related to academic coaching, executive function coaching, and building authentic relationships with neurodiverse learners, you can explore the free resources available in the Anti-Boring Learning Lab’s Visitor’s Center:
https://antiboringlearninglab.com/resources
A version of the following article was originally published here on February 28th, 2023.