When Schools Won't Support Neurodivergent Kids, What Can Coaches Do?

Podcasts & Interviews
Written by Gretchen Wegner

Why are neurodivergent students so often the ones being asked to adapt at school, and not the other way around?

I loved talking with Emily Kircher-Morris, co-author of Neurodiversity-Affirming Schools, about what neurodiversity-affirming support actually looks like when things get complicated.

We got into interoception, the fascinating Double Empathy Problem, and a real question from an Anti-Boring Learning Lab member about advocating for a student when a school isn't open to the support they're asking for.

This conversation left me wondering: What might change if we brought the same curiosity, flexibility, and perspective-taking we ask of our students to the adults and systems around them, too?

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What If We Used Our Coaching Skills with Adults, Too?

One of my biggest takeaways from talking with Emily was realizing that the same curiosity, collaboration, and empowering questions we use with students can also help us work with parents, teachers, and schools.

It's something we practice all the time in the Anti-Boring Learning Lab: meeting people where they are and helping them take small steps toward change. Why wouldn't we approach the adults in our students' lives the same way?

I also love that this conversation grew out of real questions from our Lab members. We don't always have all the answers, so bringing in experts like Emily is one way we keep learning together.

In fact, our No Pressure Book Club is reading Emily and Amanda Morin's book, Neurodiversity-Affirming Schools, as we continue exploring what it means to support neurodivergent learners—not just with study skills and executive function strategies, but in the larger systems they navigate.

Explore the Anti-Boring Learning Lab →

Questions This Episode Answers

What is interoception, and how can coaches support students who struggle with it?

Interoception is the ability to notice and interpret internal body signals, including sensations associated with emotions.

One Lab coach described a student who could recognize feeling calm or extremely dysregulated, but struggled to notice anything in between.

Emily suggested looking for clues the student can recognize, such as changes in thoughts or behaviors, rather than insisting on identifying feelings. We also discussed tracking patterns over time and seeking occupational therapy support when appropriate.

What is the Double Empathy Problem?

The Double Empathy Problem challenges the idea that communication difficulties between autistic and non-autistic people are solely the autistic person's responsibility.

Emily shared a story about an autistic student whose classroom chairs had been rearranged. When he moved his chair back to its usual spot, a misunderstanding with his teacher escalated into a meltdown and being sent home.

What if the teacher had simply explained the change?

The story raises a bigger question: Why do we expect neurodivergent students to be flexible without expecting the same from the adults around them?

How can we make flexibility and understanding a two-way street?

I shared a story about a road trip with my neurodivergent nephew. We came up with the word "overloady" to communicate when either of us was getting overwhelmed.

Instead of expecting him to stop talking whenever I needed quiet, we developed a shared way to communicate our needs.

Neither of us had to be the problem. We just needed a way to understand each other better!

How can academic coaches advocate when schools resist accommodations?

Another Lab coach asked about an 11th grader with ADHD and anxiety who excelled at coursework but struggled on exams. Despite recommendations for accommodations, her school wasn't providing the support she needed.

Emily suggested finding allies within the school, approaching conversations with curiosity, and helping educators feel called in rather than called out.

One powerful question: What is an assessment actually measuring, and would the requested accommodation interfere with that goal?

Accommodations aren't necessarily about lowering expectations. They're about giving students access to learning and opportunities to demonstrate what they know.

What if the school still won't collaborate?

Emily encouraged us to consider whether the school is willing to make even small changes—and whether it's ultimately the right environment for the student.

We also explored an important question: Whose goals are driving the decision?

Just because a student can succeed in a rigorous school doesn't necessarily mean it's the best fit for their well-being and growth.

And that's where our coaching skills come back in. What empowering questions could we ask the adults involved to help everyone think more carefully about what's best for the student?

About Emily Kircher-Morris

Emily Kircher-Morris is a mental health professional, author, and host of The Neurodiversity Podcast. Her work focuses on supporting neurodivergent children and adults and helping educators, families, and professionals develop more affirming approaches.

She is the co-author, with Amanda Morin, of Neurodiversity-Affirming Schools, a practical resource for creating more accessible and supportive school environments.

Emily and Amanda also created Creating Neurodiversity-Affirming Schools, a companion podcast series exploring the book's chapters.

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Gretchen Wegner
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