Why Asking for Help Is the Real EF Skill
In this episode, Gretchen sits down with Seth Perler — executive function coach and creator of TEFOS, the Executive Function Online Summit, now in its 8th year. Gretchen expected to unpack what TEFOS has taught Seth over the years, and they do — but the conversation also goes further, into Seth's personal story and the single biggest skill that turned him from a self-described "lazy failure" into an internationally known EF coach. They also talk business, including Seth's "heart of service first" approach to building a referral network, which flips the usual competitive mindset around private practice. It's a conversation between two longtime colleagues in the academic/EF coaching world — equal parts personal and practical.
You'll Hear Us Talk About
The skill that turned Seth from "lazy failure" to EF coach — and it starts with asking for help
Seth's path from 12 years in the classroom to pioneering EF coaching before the field really existed
His "heart of service first" approach to referrals — and why it beats a competitive mindset
What 8 years of running TEFOS has taught him about this field and its community
Why this conversation goes deeper than the usual "what is EF coaching" interview
About Seth Perler
Seth Perler is an executive function coach, speaker, and creator of TEFOS (The Executive Function Online Summit), now in its 8th year and one of the largest free gatherings in the ADHD and neurodivergent education world. He taught for 12 years before leaving the classroom in 2010 to pioneer executive function coaching, holds a Master's in Gifted Education/Special Education, and has spent over a decade helping neurodivergent, twice-exceptional, and struggling students build the skills school never taught them.
Links + Resources
Seth's website: https://sethperler.com/
Learn More About the Anti-Boring Learning Lab
Download our free Toolkit: https://antiboringlearninglab.com/resources
Connect with Gretchen on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gretchen-wegner
Bonus — TEFOS 2026: Get your FREE ticket to TEFOS (The Executive Function Online Summit), August 14–17, 2026. A VIP pass with lifetime access + bonuses is also available, with early bird pricing through August 13. Register: https://theantiboringapproach--sethperler.thrivecart.com/tefos26/
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FAQ: Why Asking for Help Is the Real EF Skill
(Episode 3 of the Academic Coaching Podcast, featuring Seth Perler)
How did Seth build his early referral network as a new executive function coach?
With almost no clients eight months into his practice, Seth called roughly 150 therapists in Boulder, Colorado, just to invite them to coffee and get curious about their work. He explains why leading with genuine interest, rather than asking for referrals directly, is what built lasting relationships, several of which became his most reliable referral sources.
Why does Seth say he has "a no competition clause" with other coaches in his field?
Seth describes operating from a mindset that other coaches, including Gretchen, aren't competitors because everyone is working toward the same goal: helping kids. He talks about how this heart-centered framing has shaped how he builds relationships and runs his business.
How did Seth and Gretchen actually meet?
Seth tells the story of a parent who found Gretchen's coaching through a YouTube video where Seth casually mentioned her work, without knowing why he'd brought her up. Curious how he'd ended up on Seth's radar, Gretchen reached out just to connect, kicking off their working relationship well before TEFOS existed.
What is TEFOS, and who is it actually for?
TEFOS (The Executive Function Online Summit) is Seth's free four-day summit, now in its eighth year, built to teach parents, therapists, coaches, and teachers about executive function. Seth emphasizes that the summit is designed around actionable takeaways, not just theory, so parents leave with strategies they can try immediately.
What theme is coming up most in this year's TEFOS sessions?
Seth says emotional regulation is showing up across nearly every speaker's session this year, more than in any previous year. He talks about why that shift matters, and how it's giving parents new language to describe what their kids are experiencing.
Does Seth think all the EF experts he's interviewed are saying fundamentally the same thing?
He does. After interviewing 150–200 speakers over eight years, Seth notes that most experts land on similar underlying truths, even when their language and models differ, which he says actually helps parents build their own coherent understanding of their child.
What did Seth learn from a former student who chose not to go to college?
Seth shares the story of a student written off by a rigid teacher in middle school, who went on to skip college entirely and build an adventurous, self-directed life around climbing and travel. He credits the outcome largely to parents who embraced who their son actually was instead of trying to change him.
How does Seth define executive function?
He describes it simply as how the front part of the brain helps us get important things done, planning, prioritizing, filtering distractions, regulating emotions, and focusing, all in service of living a life aligned with our goals and communities.
When is TEFOS 2026, and how can I join?
TEFOS runs August 14–17, 2026, and is free to attend for all four days, with an optional VIP pass available. Register at tefos26.com.